I would like to begin this blog by uttering this bold statement… the beauty industry is a complete, total and insane MIND F@#K for me!
Let the story begin!
My sweetie and I went to a wedding on Aug. 10th. I had my dress purchased months in advance, shoe shopped everywhere to find the perfect match, looked up hair tutorials on Pinterest, thrift shopped for matching accessories, made myself a bracelet, practiced walking in my new shoes…
I WAS INTO IT!
It had been a very long time since we had been to a fancy dress up event and I was going to make the most of it. A fun fashion adventure while celebrating with some of my favorite people on the planet!
Two weeks out from the blessed event, I decided that I should order some cute press-on nails that were advertised on Instagram.
Now…let me pause this current story and take you back in time for a quick moment… just so you have a little fingernail context:
I have had long fingernails exactly twice in my life… this summer at the wedding and for my ex-husband’s Christmas work party 27 years ago. The trauma from the first go around was so deep that it took me 27 years to consider trying again!
A friend of mine had just been certified in a new fangled trade… acrylic nails. Could she practice on me for the Christmas party?
“Hell ya!” 💅
I went to the Christmas party and felt like the belle of the ball! I showed everyone my new nails! (massage therapists do not get to be nail forward very often) That part was awesome!
The real adventure began a week or so later… the middle left finger 🖕 developed a split up the center… it was catching and snagging on everything. I called my friend and she suggested a little drop of nail glue on the split, until she could see me a couple of days later.
I went into the bathroom, successfully applied glue to the split and then the gong show began as I tried a one-handed maneuver to put the lid back on the glue.
The tube of glue snapped in half… spraying in all directions… all over my face and eye, across the countertop and floor, and onto the toilet seat!
“Arrggg… glue in my eye, glue in my eye… I need to get my contact lens out!”
I placed my middle & pointer fingers on my face, at the corner of my eye, and pulled back gently, looked down and blinked my lens out into my other hand. “Whew…perfect!”
Except… it wasn’t!
My fingers were glued to my face! I somehow got my contact lens into it’s case and then went about the business of peeling my fingers off of the corner of my eye… skin and all!
“Ok, ok… flush your eye with water… get all of the glue out!”
I flushed and flushed until it felt a little better and as I reached behind me for a towel… I quickly realized that my feet were glued to the floor!
I squatted down and pried my feet off of the floor one small section at a time.
The closing scene of this tale had me laughing my ass off, marching in place so that my feet would not stick to the floor again, while continuing to flush my eye out… just as my 3 year old son appeared in the doorway of the bathroom. He was naked from the waist down and clearly had to use the toilet!
“Don’t sit on the toilet! Don’t sit on the toilet! Definitely do not sit on the glue covered toilet” I hollered!
My son then proceeded to leave a trail of pee down the hallway, through the kitchen, and down the stairs as he made his way to the basement bathroom!
I emphatically, with several swear words, asked my friend to take the nails OFF!
(27 years pass with happy, short, natural fingernails)
My new press-ons arrive in the mail! They are sooo cuuute!
As I am getting all dolled-up and ready, I decide to apply the fingernails right before we leave.
I read the instructions, buff my nails with a small file that comes in the kit, apply the glue… BLAMMO beautiful perfect nails! I looked gorgeous at the wedding! ❤️
🎵(Ominous Foreshadowing Music) 🎶
By the next morning I had a split up the same middle nail 🖕 on my left hand!
“Hell no! I have been here before… let’s just take these things off and get on with life!”
I went back to the instructions… which I apparently had not read in full:
For 1-2 day wear - do not buff nails. “O shit!”
For 3-5 day wear - buff a small strip down the center. “O crap!”
For 2-3 week wear - buff entire nail. “Yup, exactly what I did”
“Ok, ok calm down… just apply some clear polish along the split and then settle into trying nails! Everyone has nails… I am sure you can do it!”
By day three, I had firmly decided that the only task in life made easier with fingernails was nose picking… everything else sucked!
I tried the suggested soaking in dish soap and olive oil… 5 times in one day. Nope! They were not budging!
On day six I was desperate… I had a massage to do the following day, nails were no longer an option. I soaked my nails in the dreaded acetone… the tips shriveled and bent… but they still did not budge!
In that moment, I stopped trying to save my cute nails for some future use. They were trashed! I got out the clippers and cut them all back… so that I could go to work.
As I write this blog… 16 days after the initial application… five press-ons are still hanging on firmly and I am not sure if the glue residue will ever leave my other five natural nails!
So… the big questions here: What did I learn and will I ever wear fingernails again?
I learned a lot about the conflicting beliefs and thoughts that I have in my head surrounding the beauty industry.
My life is pretty toxin free, I am really sensitive to smells and chemicals, so I make my own face and body lotions, use pure essential oils for perfumes, and buy all of my hair products and soaps unscented and in glass containers from our local refillery. I stopped dying my hair years ago and sparingly use a natural make-up line.
However… for the wedding I was going all out! I painted my toenails a vibrant red and they tingled (not in a good way) for several hours. I slipped into my uncomfortable unwire bra and squeezed into my nylon shapewear. I put my hair up using the stinky textured hairspray suggested in the Pinterest tutorial. I took my glasses off, put my contacts in, and applied my makeup, which included some new foundation and waterproof mascara. The cherry on top of this chemical stew was applying my new nails with the bomb proof glue!
I was uncomfortable and all of the chemicals gave me a headache but Hot Damn… I Looked Great!
It was in the three days that followed the wedding that I tried to really observe my thoughts… because I began to realize how conflicted they were.
Every time I saw my fingernails they made me feel affluent, put together and powerful, but each time I tried to perform a task I found myself complaining about them.
I always admire my best friend’s and my daughter-in-law's nails. They look classy and I love the different colors & the nail art… but I also have my ex mother-in-laws voice in my head “Never trust a woman with long nails… they are useless because they can’t do anything!” (I watch my friend and my daughter-in-law and know this is not true!)
I began to have old, long past hormonal symptoms… tender breasts, belly cramps, and sore joints. All of those chemicals are estrogen disruptors and I have done much reading on how they negatively affect fertility in young women and increase menopausal symptoms in older women. But, again, on the flip side… Dolly Parton kept dropping into my thoughts, “She has been dipped in chemical makeup, wigs, sprays and nails for the past 60 years and she is clearly thriving at almost 80!”
It became very apparent to me that I am not lined up with my beauty regime… I love the look of dressed up in full makeup and glamor, but curse and do not trust the products that create the look!
I am a firm believer that “What you THINK about what you DO is so much more important than what you actually DO!”
So… The Epic Nail Adventure of Summer 2024 has taught me that I must line up with my beauty choices. I have decided to feel more presentable using my natural products, while wearing my glasses and a comfortable bra out to events (thank you Alicia Keys)… but, I do have another awesome wedding next summer and I am pretty sure that I will give press-on nails another try. I have researched some less toxic, less permanent glue options and have found them in a shorter, more manageable length.
As for all of the other toxic products I used… a little liver flush and lymphatic system detox has me feeling back to my normal self again! (Good to know for next time!)
The moral of my fingernail story… “Line up & then act… things are bound to go much smoother!” ❤️
If you are interested in my favorite non-toxic health solutions of all time… please check out the DoTERRA essential oils that we use in all of our classes, workshops and homemade products!
Much Love
Marnie ❤️
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