About 10 days ago I was notified of the passing of my closest childhood friend… someone I had a relationship with for over 45 years. And although over the years we have gone down separate paths, our friendship had its roots in deep respect and love for each other. We drifted away from each other to grow in the ways we were meant to grow but always seemed to find each other again when we both needed it most. It was the kind of friendship that always picked up right where it left off like we had never been apart, and I have always valued this deeply.
Grief and loss are like no other roller coaster I have ever been on… all kinds of intense emotions surface and you seem to be right on the hairy edge of your control. You scream, you cry, you yell, sometimes you puke or make yourself sick – sounds just like a crazy carnival ride to me.
I think it is important to remember that grief is a deeply personal experience, and your reaction is valid, no matter what form it takes. Grief is a natural response to loss, but it's not a linear process. Allow yourself to experience these emotions without judgment and to find ways to heal the raw emotions. The roller coaster of grief and loss is a difficult and often exhausting journey… I know that I am feeling absolutely drained in every way at the moment.
Part of my healing is to put pen to paper as this is a way I have always been able to meaningfully express my thoughts… I share this blog space now so I just decided to take you all along as passengers on my roller coaster ride this week!
My belief system surrounding death and what happens after you leave your physical body should give me some comfort about what my dear friend is experiencing right now, but I’m struggling and having trouble accepting that she has left this world at a fairly young age – there is still so much life to experience, damn it, and she is going to be missing it! She was my partner in crime, silliness and shenanigans! And we have a few late-night camera rolls to prove it 😜
It took me several days to sense her energy in my field which was upsetting to me at first but when she did show up for me it was worth the wait and quite spectacular! To me, this energy can be described as ‘a pure love’ that transcends the boundaries of life and death and I hope she visits me often so I can re-experience this feeling. It comforted me to know that her soul made it back to the spirit world and she will be looking out and guiding me (rather than getting me into more trouble for a change) for the rest of my time here.
So, a small ode to my beautiful friend… (feel free to skip this part … I am shamelessly using our blog space to help heal my crushed heart)
I have cried 1,000 tears (probably more like 10, 000) for you this week, but I also know that there are bigger plans for your soul. This belief comforts me and I know that you will embody what you have learned in this lifetime and make your next one a masterpiece. You came into my energy field a few days ago in a swirly smoke storm (fairly appropriate, I think! 😜) with vivid teal and pink dancing auroras. It felt like you were just stopping in for a beer, a chat and a big ole hug on the way through but you brought some peace to my heart that night so thanks for the kick in the ass.
I will never forget the day we first met… I had just moved to your town and was joining your second grade class in the middle of a school year. You and your twin sister came up to me at the morning recess and introduced yourselves and asked if I wanted to walk around the school with you. Out of all the other kids in that class you guys came to me first and made me feel welcome and not so scared… guess our lifelong friendship was destined from that point on!
As 50 year old adults, we really didn’t have a lot of common interests but we drifted back together several times over the years and we always found lots to talk about when we did connect or visit.
What we did have was ‘history’ and shared many of life’s ‘firsts’… first detention, first smoke, first drunk, first boyfriends, first time getting banned from the movie theatre. I am pretty sure if we hadn’t been best friends I would have got into a lot less trouble!!! We were also there for each other for some of the biggest moments of our lives… maids of honour for each other, birth of your kids, first houses, celebrating career successes and let’s not forget all of the camping, cards and long nights sitting around the campfire!
You loved your people hard… but I always thought you should have been born under the Scorpio zodiac sign since you were so damn stubborn and could hold a grudge F O R E V E R! My greatest wish for you was to heal past hurts with your family and you did … which made me so happy you had that time so there were no regrets.
You raised 4 great kids that are wonderful adults and you were so proud of them all. I wish you had had more time to fully embrace your new role as ‘grandma’ and to enjoy the grandkids yet to come. Your partner loved you deeply and your relationship stood the test of time. You have a beautiful family and I thank you for sharing them with me.
I will miss your face and catching up with your life adventures and most recently the potato salad fiasco of 2023 (I know it’s going to take you a little longer yet to let that one go!). Shame on me for letting life get too busy and not making more of an effort to regularly connect. It was ‘my turn’ to call and of course now that you are gone, I wish I had one more turn.
I know for sure we will see each other again as you are a part of my closest soul family circle and we will always be connected thru love and time.
Love ya later my sweet friend ❤️❤️❤️
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