Habit & Regulation… the science of it all
Have you ever wondered why certain habits are so difficult to change?? If yes, then please know you are not alone!
And what I find even more frustrating is that it’s often when I focus on a certain habit that I want to change that the habit works even HARDER to stay put!!
I have often wondered… ‘Why is it soo much easier to continue with the routines that support the habit I am trying to change?!’
Wanting to know more, I decided to see what I could learn about this… and I discovered that once again that it’s all connected to my Nervous System and it’s vigilance in maintaining my ‘safety’.
My body and your body are truly scientific miracles! Always learning and adapting to whatever we expose it to or put it through… and the Nervous System is smack dab in the middle of this miraculous structure of bones, muscles, tissue, fascia, mucus and cells. The nervous system is designed for efficiency and protection and is always on high-alert watching how I respond to my day and taking notes 🤔
Every time I repeat a behavior… whether it’s shallow breathing when I’m under stress, rushing through my day feeling time-poor or disconnecting when I feel overwhelmed… my body begins to recognize these patterns as reliable coping mechanisms that I use to ‘survive’ my day.
Over time, these coping responses become automatic. Not because they are ideal or even work, but because they are predictable (as in I do these repeatedly)… and in Nervous System language predictability equals safety.
A Gentle Truth About ‘Bad Habits’
Yes, I label my undesirable habits as ‘bad’… but I discovered something important that you may already know, but I will share it all the same:
Our bodies are NOT working against us.
They are working FOR us… through the lens of what we have taught our body is safe with our predictable responses to experiences throughout our day.
At the root of every habit - good or bad - is our nervous system is constantly paying attention… learning, adapting and choosing what feels most familiar and safe.
The Habit Loop Through a Nervous System Lens
As I was falling down the why-is-it-so-hard-to-change-my-bad-habits rabbit hole, I discovered something called The Habit Loop. I found much information online about the Habit Loop and they all basically said the same thing… that every habit follows the same neural pathway: trigger à response à relief
From a nervous system perspective, it looks like this:
Trigger: a perceived experience like stress, overwhelm, uncertainty, etc
Response: the body’s behaviour after a trigger that might materialize as a tight chest, shallow breathing, binge eating, disconnecting and phone-scrolling, etc
Relief: created through a familiar response to the trigger. Even if the relief is temporary, our nervous system registers this relief as success and files it away as an acceptable and effective behaviour for future use.
Here are some of my habit loop examples:
Overwhelmed → distract with social media scrolling → momentary escape
Stressed → reach for sugary snacks → temporary comfort
Loneliness → overwork or stay busy → feel needed or productive
Anxiety → avoid difficult conversations → short-term sense of safety
Exhaustion → consume excessive caffeine → brief burst of energy
Self-doubt → seek reassurance from others → momentary validation
When attempting to survive or ‘get-through’ a Habit Loop, it’s clear our bodies are not choosing what’s best long-term… nope, it’s choosing what will work immediately in the moment to help us get through the trigger.
This is why change feels uncomfortable (even when it’s good for us)!
Building a new habit feels unfamiliar, awkward and uncomfortable and may not bring immediate relief during the moments we feel we need it most… and this space of unfamiliarity, to our nervous system, feels not only unsafe, but like a threat!
This is why when I’m trying to change a habit, I often feel the resistance in my gut… it feels like fear. I used to think this meant I was weak or failing, however, I am realizing this simply means my amazingly complex body is doing its job… PROTECTING me based on what it knows; what I have taught it!
Rewiring Through Regulation, Not Force
All this has brought me into a new desire to create a deep, lasting relationship with my nervous system… it’s been with me since my beginning. It pays attention to everything I do because my nervous system wants to understand what safety, protection and relief mean to me.
This is fabulous news!!
Why!? Well, if I taught my nervous system ‘bad habits’ then I absolutely have the power to teach it ‘great habits’ also!
I recognize that my nervous system is much stronger than my own will, so convincing my nervous system to implement deep, lasting change doesn’t come from forcing new habits… it comes from re-establishing the feeling of safety within my body.
Learning new ways in which I can regulate my nervous system is allowing me to create the internal conditions for new patterns to take root. Small shifts. Repeated consistently.
This is how I am practicing rewiring my habit loop examples from above:
Overwhelmed → pause for a few deep breaths or step outside → grounded clarity
Stressed → reach for water first, then maybe a balanced snack → steady comfort and support
Loneliness → connect with a trusted friend or spend time in community → genuine connection
Anxiety → take a moment to ground and breathe deeply before communicating honestly → greater safety and resolution
Exhaustion → rest, stretch, or practice long-exhale breathing → renewed energy and restoration
Self-doubt → reflect on past strengths and offer self-compassion → inner reassurance and confidence
Closing: An Invitation
What if our habits aren’t something to fix… but something to understand?
What if instead of pushing against them, we listen to them first?
What if, together we jus do one small thing differently… just for today?
For me change is more manageable when I start with awareness instead of force. For me, seeking to understand my nervous system deeper is a curiosity that I will continue to follow, as I feel I will never know all there is to know about my amazing and complex and intricate and amusing body! I will allow this curiosity to lead me to a greater understanding of myself and maybe even offer healing to my nervous system along the way.
If you’re ready to join me on your own journey of connecting with your beautiful nervous system, then let’s take one small step together today by simply noticing our breath… no need to change it. Just notice 🧡
Awareness is where healing, change and magic begin.
Much love,
